“Mister McCain. Good afternoon”.
“Afternoon? It’s the middle of the night, God damn it. Who’s this?”
“It is Jan Peter Balkenende, mister McCain. From the Netherlands”.
“Say that again?”
“JeePee, mister McCain. President Bush calls me JeePee. The prime minister from Holland”.
“Hello? What’s that noise?”
“O, I am very sorry mister McCain. It is summer reces and I am calling you out of my Kip-caravan on the camping in Zoutelande. Next to the toilets”.
“Mr McCain, I want to inform you that underminister Jet Bussemaker from the Netherlands has said some bad things about your president mister Bush. She did that in the radioprogram Tros Kamerbreed. Maybe you have heard of that program?”
“Tros kemmerbried? What the fuck…”
“I am also very angry, mister McCain. Jet Bussemaker said it would be a big disaster if you became the next president of the United States”.
“Well, that’s her opinion. She’s obviously a fan of mister Obama”.
“Yes. No! I mean: the Dutch government is not a fan of mister Obama. Nobody is”.
“How do you know?”
“We speak with one mouth, mister McCain. The Dutch government always speaks with one mouth”.
“Hee! That’s great! You guys support me. I appreciate that a lot.”
“No no. We don’t support you”.
“Wait a minute. I don’t get it. If you don’t support me, you support Obama. And if you don’t support Obama, you support me. It’s that simple”.
“No no, it’s very complicated. We do not want to interfere in the elections. The Dutch government has no… eeeh… mening. Yes, we have no meaning”.
“Cut the crap. Who do you support?”
“We support the next president of the United States, mister McCain”.
“So if I win the elections, you support me. And if Obama wins, you support him?”
“That is correct, mister McCain. Holland wants to be a true friend of the United States”.
“So if I win, you’re my friend?”
“Yes mister McCain. Your loyal friend”.
“And if Obama wins, you’re his loyal friend?”
“Excuse me, mister McCain?”
“You fuckin’ goddamn prick”.
“Well, I strongly protest. This is not the way ehhh…”.
“Who’s your underminister again?”
“Jet Bussemaker, mister McCain”.
“She’s got balls. I like that.”
“But she is a socialist!”
“Yeah. And you’re a prick”.